Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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