Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
