Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
