Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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