I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
