I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
