She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
