I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
