the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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