Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
