fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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