Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
