my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
