She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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