ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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