She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
