life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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