Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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