Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
