1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
