i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
