omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
