I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
two words: eviction party
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize