Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
