We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
