but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
