Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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