drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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