the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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