I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
