I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
