As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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