She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
