he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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