your thong is hanging out like whoa
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
