If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize