I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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