there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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