Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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