I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I lost the right to judge tonight
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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