on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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