I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
