2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
