I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
