cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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