apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
