Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
