But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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