i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
