Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
