and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
