He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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