i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
