WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
