You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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