also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
