Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
