Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
