I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
