There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
