yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
