eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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