I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
