clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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