so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
