I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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