its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Terrible idea I love it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
