Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Less talking, more tequila
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize