That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
