I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
