I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
