If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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