i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
