stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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