just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
