I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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